1 00:00:33,132 --> 00:00:35,332 Honey, I'm home. 2 00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,574 Mother, there must be more for you to do 3 00:01:06,598 --> 00:01:08,998 than sit around and watch the grass grow. 4 00:01:10,135 --> 00:01:12,101 We're back with more grass-growing action. 5 00:01:12,203 --> 00:01:14,937 What an exciting lawn this has turned out to be, right, Arnie? 6 00:01:15,039 --> 00:01:16,551 You've got that right, Howard. 7 00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:19,108 We've been watching this dichondra for four days 8 00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:21,811 and have seen nearly a quarter inch of growth. 9 00:01:21,913 --> 00:01:23,380 Oh and... I understand 10 00:01:23,482 --> 00:01:25,782 we're going back down to the lawn right now. 11 00:01:25,884 --> 00:01:28,585 Let's watch. 12 00:01:28,687 --> 00:01:31,287 The weather's so nice, I thought we'd go to the swamp. 13 00:01:31,389 --> 00:01:33,289 - Would you like to come? - What for? 14 00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:35,136 The baby's gonna play in the scum. 15 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,462 - I've got my scum bucket. - You and I can sun on a rock. 16 00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:39,996 No, it's too late in the day. 17 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:42,265 All the good rocks will be taken. 18 00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:43,447 Mother, live a little. 19 00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:45,335 A little is all I got left. 20 00:01:45,437 --> 00:01:47,204 I don't want to waste it doing things. 21 00:01:47,306 --> 00:01:49,873 Hi, Grandma. Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom. 22 00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:53,276 Charlene? Why don't you do something with your grandmother today? 23 00:01:53,378 --> 00:01:55,812 Ooh, gee. A tempting offer. 24 00:01:55,914 --> 00:01:57,781 And though it may be hard to believe, 25 00:01:57,883 --> 00:02:00,083 I'm gonna have to pass. Maybe another time, 'K? 26 00:02:00,185 --> 00:02:02,652 It's not a request. It's an order. 27 00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:04,687 Oh, then I'd love to. 28 00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:06,022 Not. 29 00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:07,624 Hey, Grandma. 30 00:02:07,726 --> 00:02:08,591 What? 31 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:09,804 You want to do something? 32 00:02:09,828 --> 00:02:12,428 You know, we could, um... um... uh... 33 00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:14,364 Oh, uh... think. 34 00:02:14,466 --> 00:02:17,466 Oh... Uh, you could get out the old photo album, 35 00:02:17,569 --> 00:02:20,570 and you could tell me all about your friends who had operations, 36 00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:23,306 or we could do something with yarn. 37 00:02:23,408 --> 00:02:25,075 No, I'm fine here. 38 00:02:25,177 --> 00:02:26,743 If I run out of things to do, 39 00:02:26,845 --> 00:02:28,111 I can always die. 40 00:02:28,213 --> 00:02:32,081 Uh! Ma. Uh, bye-bye. 41 00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:34,984 Mother, you're impossible. 42 00:02:36,421 --> 00:02:38,888 Hmm. 43 00:02:38,991 --> 00:02:40,223 Ice hockey! 44 00:02:40,325 --> 00:02:42,258 Yeah, there you go! 45 00:02:42,361 --> 00:02:44,094 - Earl? - What? 46 00:02:44,196 --> 00:02:45,661 You're watching TV in here, 47 00:02:45,763 --> 00:02:47,530 and Mother's watching TV in there. 48 00:02:47,632 --> 00:02:50,867 Wouldn't it be more fun if you watched TV in the same room? 49 00:02:52,303 --> 00:02:55,505 Only if... the TV was crushing her head. 50 00:02:57,008 --> 00:03:00,410 I'm just concerned that she seems a little depressed. 51 00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,323 Would you check on her once in a while? 52 00:03:02,347 --> 00:03:04,347 And when you see her, say something nice. 53 00:03:04,449 --> 00:03:05,893 Hey, the game's starting. 54 00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:08,095 Yeah, fine, fine. I promise. 55 00:03:08,119 --> 00:03:09,386 Thank you. 56 00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:11,821 It's a beautiful day at Lake Oldivy. 57 00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:14,824 Here comes the brontosaurus team out on the ice. 58 00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:17,427 Ooh! And they're going through the ice into the water. 59 00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:19,996 An unfortunate but all too familiar turn of events 60 00:03:20,098 --> 00:03:21,978 for this large accident-plagued team 61 00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,633 of large, clumsy herbivores. 62 00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:25,895 Well, they're dead. 63 00:03:30,242 --> 00:03:32,675 Ohhh! 64 00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,422 Helicopters have arrived to try 65 00:03:34,446 --> 00:03:37,147 to hoist this damp and discouraged brontosaurus team 66 00:03:37,249 --> 00:03:38,969 out of the freezing water. 67 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:40,983 Munchy time. 68 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:43,364 Hey, don't forget to say something nice 69 00:03:43,388 --> 00:03:45,366 to the mother-in-law. 70 00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:47,257 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 71 00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,492 How you doing there, Ethyl? 72 00:03:49,594 --> 00:03:51,260 Like I care. 73 00:03:53,832 --> 00:03:56,533 - Here's a beer! - Yeah, have two! 74 00:03:56,635 --> 00:04:00,470 - Don't drive! - Give me a brew. Thank you. 75 00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:07,477 So, Ethyl, what a lovely, um... 76 00:04:07,579 --> 00:04:10,212 Um... lovely, um... 77 00:04:10,315 --> 00:04:12,983 Blanket you've got draped over your legs. 78 00:04:14,852 --> 00:04:16,887 You done with those? 79 00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:19,789 Thanks. 80 00:04:22,294 --> 00:04:24,339 Hey, you talk to your mother-in-law? 81 00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:27,297 Yeah. You know, it was one of the nicer chat we ever had. 82 00:04:27,399 --> 00:04:28,731 She wasn't obnoxious, 83 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,334 she wasn't insulting, she didn't hit me. 84 00:04:31,436 --> 00:04:34,037 Oh, my gosh, she's dead. 85 00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:37,306 Ethyl? Hello? 86 00:04:37,408 --> 00:04:39,342 Are you dead? 87 00:04:40,311 --> 00:04:43,246 Hey, hey, I got an idea. 88 00:04:43,348 --> 00:04:44,480 Ethyl? 89 00:04:44,582 --> 00:04:47,717 I've got half a mind to eat a potato chip. 90 00:04:49,454 --> 00:04:52,221 I said I've got half a mind. 91 00:04:54,025 --> 00:04:57,026 Don't make me throw my weight around. 92 00:04:57,128 --> 00:04:58,361 Yaah. Yeah. 93 00:04:58,463 --> 00:04:59,929 She must be dead. 94 00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:02,832 She could never resist the chance to take a shot at me. 95 00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:05,602 I'd like to spit on your head. 96 00:05:05,704 --> 00:05:08,738 Uhh! Did you hear that? 97 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,120 Uh! Uh! 98 00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:11,775 What do we do with her? 99 00:05:11,809 --> 00:05:14,410 Well, we could go watch the game and just leave her. 100 00:05:14,512 --> 00:05:16,980 Yeah. She's definitely non-corporeal. 101 00:05:17,082 --> 00:05:18,248 No. 102 00:05:21,185 --> 00:05:25,288 Ethyl, go towards the light. 103 00:05:25,390 --> 00:05:27,957 Go towards the light. 104 00:05:28,059 --> 00:05:29,926 I heard you the first time. 105 00:05:30,028 --> 00:05:32,161 I'm not deaf. I'm just dead. 106 00:05:32,264 --> 00:05:35,432 Toward the light, Ethyl. 107 00:05:35,533 --> 00:05:38,535 Ooh! What are you doing? 108 00:05:39,337 --> 00:05:41,004 Don't touch me! 109 00:05:43,775 --> 00:05:46,075 We are here to guide you. 110 00:05:49,281 --> 00:05:53,983 I don't know where your hands have been. 111 00:05:54,085 --> 00:05:57,153 Light. Light. 112 00:05:57,256 --> 00:05:59,522 The light, 113 00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,524 it's so bright. 114 00:06:01,627 --> 00:06:03,460 Bright! 115 00:06:03,562 --> 00:06:05,628 Oh, gee, I'm sorry. 116 00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:07,297 Is this better? 117 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:10,100 Boy, you've got quite a layout here. 118 00:06:10,202 --> 00:06:12,002 Well, this is the afterlife. 119 00:06:12,104 --> 00:06:14,103 We have an image to maintain. 120 00:06:14,205 --> 00:06:16,039 I understand. 121 00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,919 Why don't I show you around? 122 00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:20,676 Mmm. Very nice. 123 00:06:20,778 --> 00:06:23,546 Over here is the Mar Vista Room, 124 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:26,449 where we have our eternal all-you-can-eat buffet. 125 00:06:26,551 --> 00:06:27,551 Is the fish fresh? 126 00:06:27,652 --> 00:06:30,153 Fresh? It's just been created. 127 00:06:31,957 --> 00:06:33,756 We buried her deep. 128 00:06:33,859 --> 00:06:36,392 A lot of folks would have stopped at six feet. 129 00:06:36,494 --> 00:06:39,662 Yeah, well, a lot of folks' hearts aren't really into it. 130 00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:45,735 Experts do say cardiovascular activity 131 00:06:45,837 --> 00:06:48,437 does produce a natural sense of euphoria. 132 00:06:48,539 --> 00:06:51,007 Yeah, and throwing your mother-in-law into a ditch 133 00:06:51,109 --> 00:06:52,575 is also a good pick-me-up. 134 00:06:54,746 --> 00:06:57,747 It's everything I dreamed it would be. 135 00:06:57,849 --> 00:06:59,582 I could stay here forever. 136 00:06:59,684 --> 00:07:02,051 That's pretty much how it works. 137 00:07:02,153 --> 00:07:03,520 ♪ Da, da, da ♪ 138 00:07:03,622 --> 00:07:06,222 You think I could see my husband now? 139 00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:07,724 And your name is? 140 00:07:07,826 --> 00:07:09,792 Ethyl Phillips. 141 00:07:09,894 --> 00:07:12,862 Hmm. Hmm. That's odd. 142 00:07:12,964 --> 00:07:14,630 We don't have your reservation. 143 00:07:14,732 --> 00:07:16,366 Were you scheduled to arrive today? 144 00:07:16,468 --> 00:07:18,868 What do you mean, scheduled? I dropped dead. 145 00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:21,771 Ahh, here you are. 146 00:07:21,873 --> 00:07:24,874 Oh, you aren't expected for quite some time. 147 00:07:24,976 --> 00:07:26,787 There must have been a mistake. 148 00:07:26,811 --> 00:07:28,611 I wanna see my husband. 149 00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:30,813 I'm dead, and I know my rights. 150 00:07:30,915 --> 00:07:34,250 Um... no, actually, you're just near-dead. 151 00:07:34,352 --> 00:07:36,286 It's a form of unconsciousness, 152 00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:37,687 but not to worry, 153 00:07:37,789 --> 00:07:39,956 you'll wake up alive and well any moment. 154 00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,324 What? 155 00:07:43,027 --> 00:07:44,761 We're back! 156 00:07:44,863 --> 00:07:45,728 Uh... 157 00:07:45,830 --> 00:07:48,130 Fran, sweetheart, 158 00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:49,565 there's news. 159 00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,534 The swamp was absolutely packed. 160 00:07:51,636 --> 00:07:54,403 I caught leeches. Can I keep them? 161 00:07:54,505 --> 00:07:55,805 No. Those are for dinner. 162 00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:59,142 Uh, Frannie, speaking of parasites, 163 00:07:59,243 --> 00:08:01,210 um, remember when we said 164 00:08:01,312 --> 00:08:02,879 your mother would stay with us 165 00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:04,380 for the rest of her life? 166 00:08:04,482 --> 00:08:06,782 - Mm-hm. - Well, she's moved out. 167 00:08:06,884 --> 00:08:09,919 What are you talking about? Where is mother? Mother? 168 00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:12,889 Uh, you're gonna have to yell louder than that. 169 00:08:12,991 --> 00:08:15,492 Roy, this is a somber moment. 170 00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:22,699 Oh! Oh, jeez, uh, look at the time. 171 00:08:22,801 --> 00:08:26,368 Um, well, Fran, my condolences. 172 00:08:26,471 --> 00:08:28,583 What do you say at a time like this? 173 00:08:28,607 --> 00:08:29,847 Uh... 174 00:08:29,941 --> 00:08:31,240 Bye. 175 00:08:33,611 --> 00:08:37,347 Earl, what are you doing with that shovel? 176 00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:40,450 Shovel? Shovel? 177 00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:44,153 Um... Frannie, life is like the tide, 178 00:08:44,255 --> 00:08:46,656 it comes in and goes out. 179 00:08:46,758 --> 00:08:51,527 It washes in the new and washed out the old. 180 00:08:51,629 --> 00:08:53,530 I used it to bury your mother. 181 00:08:54,566 --> 00:08:57,433 You buried my mother? 182 00:08:57,535 --> 00:09:00,135 Now, Frannie, she died quite suddenly, 183 00:09:00,238 --> 00:09:03,005 and you know we've got a scavenger problem around here. 184 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:07,076 She died? How did she die? 185 00:09:07,178 --> 00:09:09,946 What did the doctor say? 186 00:09:10,048 --> 00:09:13,449 Well, there was no doctor, per se. 187 00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:16,285 No doctor? Well, did you take her pulse? 188 00:09:16,387 --> 00:09:18,120 Pulse? 189 00:09:18,222 --> 00:09:21,558 Sure, it's all very well, you coming in here after the fact 190 00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:24,260 and quibbling over little details. 191 00:09:24,362 --> 00:09:25,873 Then how do you know she died? 192 00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:28,798 Fran, I know when somebody's dead. 193 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,700 I'm not an idiot. 194 00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:35,505 Guess again, fat boy. 195 00:09:40,545 --> 00:09:42,845 Shh... 196 00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:49,719 Frannie? 197 00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:51,654 Sweetheart? 198 00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:53,890 I got you something. 199 00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:57,293 It's a nice card. 200 00:09:58,329 --> 00:10:01,297 Would you like me to read it to you, sweetie? 201 00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,802 I'll take that as yes. 202 00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:11,140 "What can I say when I've ruined your day 203 00:10:11,242 --> 00:10:13,409 and made you all angry and surly? 204 00:10:13,511 --> 00:10:16,812 How could I make such a thoughtless mistake 205 00:10:16,914 --> 00:10:19,749 and bury your mother too early?" 206 00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:24,020 Oh, come on, Frannie! 207 00:10:24,122 --> 00:10:26,089 They wouldn't make this kind of card 208 00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:28,258 if it didn't happen all the time. 209 00:10:29,961 --> 00:10:33,596 You buried my mother alive, Earl. 210 00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:35,564 I did a bad thing yesterday. 211 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,900 I said I was sorry. Now let's move on. 212 00:10:38,002 --> 00:10:40,936 She had to claw her way out 213 00:10:41,038 --> 00:10:45,808 from under 15 feet of tightly packed dirt! 214 00:10:45,910 --> 00:10:47,409 Yesterday. 215 00:10:47,512 --> 00:10:49,078 Yesterday, I buried her. 216 00:10:49,180 --> 00:10:51,014 Today, I brought her soup. 217 00:10:51,116 --> 00:10:52,649 Now we're even-steven. 218 00:11:02,326 --> 00:11:04,205 Wow, Grandma, that's impressive, 219 00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:06,073 to have dug your way out of all that dirt 220 00:11:06,097 --> 00:11:07,741 without the use of your legs. 221 00:11:07,765 --> 00:11:11,066 And the tough part was dragging the wheelchair in my teeth. 222 00:11:11,168 --> 00:11:14,370 Did you get worms and bugs up your nose? 223 00:11:14,472 --> 00:11:16,673 - Tell us about the afterlife. - Yeah. 224 00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:19,875 It was the most glorious experience I ever had. 225 00:11:19,978 --> 00:11:21,844 Mmm. Was there shopping? 226 00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,079 Everything starts at 40 percent off. 227 00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:25,492 - No way! - Wow! 228 00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:27,850 You want to talk about selection... 229 00:11:27,952 --> 00:11:29,719 Kids, let your grandmother rest. 230 00:11:29,821 --> 00:11:31,854 She's been through a very rough time. 231 00:11:31,956 --> 00:11:35,791 Oh, nonsense. Being dead is the best experience of my life. 232 00:11:35,893 --> 00:11:37,960 I could talk about it for hours. 233 00:11:39,496 --> 00:11:41,997 I'll get it. ♪ La la ♪ 234 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,901 Maybe you shouldn't be talking to the kids 235 00:11:45,003 --> 00:11:46,335 so much about death. 236 00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:48,349 Couldn't we change the subject? 237 00:11:48,373 --> 00:11:50,306 OK. Robbie. 238 00:11:50,408 --> 00:11:51,408 Hmm? 239 00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:54,177 I met the most wonderful female for you 240 00:11:54,279 --> 00:11:56,011 in the afterlife. 241 00:11:56,113 --> 00:11:58,313 Very pretty for a dead girl. 242 00:11:58,415 --> 00:12:00,716 Grandma. 243 00:12:00,818 --> 00:12:03,252 Hey, it's the host of that TV show, 244 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,521 Mysteries That Haven't Been Solved Yet. 245 00:12:05,623 --> 00:12:08,524 Hello, members of the viewing public. 246 00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:11,727 Has there been an unsolved mystery in the neighborhood? 247 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:14,397 I'm looking for an Ethyl Phillips. 248 00:12:14,499 --> 00:12:17,767 Oh, that's me. Oh, I just love your show. 249 00:12:17,869 --> 00:12:20,703 How do you come up with those mysteries week after week? 250 00:12:20,805 --> 00:12:23,139 Actually, we only have four 251 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,340 which we tell over and over. 252 00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:27,088 Luckily, no one seems to notice. 253 00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:28,989 So that's how they do it. 254 00:12:29,013 --> 00:12:31,580 However, this past week, despite our best efforts, 255 00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:34,484 one of our mysteries was irrevocably solved. 256 00:12:34,586 --> 00:12:37,386 - Oh. - And that means we need a new fourth mystery, 257 00:12:37,488 --> 00:12:41,224 and your story could be it. Life after death. 258 00:12:41,326 --> 00:12:42,569 - Wow! - Great. 259 00:12:42,593 --> 00:12:45,361 It's mysterious, and it's unsolved. 260 00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:46,662 Are you interested? 261 00:12:46,764 --> 00:12:48,597 There were shuffleboard courts 262 00:12:48,699 --> 00:12:51,500 as far as the eye could see 263 00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:52,969 and bocce ball 264 00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:56,205 and a pervasive sense of well-being 265 00:12:56,307 --> 00:12:59,474 and a feeling of being at one with the infinite, 266 00:12:59,576 --> 00:13:01,611 and I was regular. 267 00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:03,189 But while Ethyl Phillips 268 00:13:03,213 --> 00:13:05,448 was marveling at the wonders of the afterlife, 269 00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,070 back at the Sinclair house, 270 00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:10,552 Ethyl's seemingly dead body was being buried 271 00:13:10,654 --> 00:13:12,989 by her simple-minded son-in-law Earl 272 00:13:13,091 --> 00:13:15,625 and his dim-witted friend Ray. 273 00:13:15,727 --> 00:13:18,594 Hey, that's an outrage! 274 00:13:19,697 --> 00:13:21,230 They got my name wrong. 275 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:24,067 That is supposed to be me? 276 00:13:24,169 --> 00:13:26,135 That doesn't even look anything like me. 277 00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:27,737 Not the mama! 278 00:13:27,839 --> 00:13:29,571 Why are we watching this show anyway? 279 00:13:29,673 --> 00:13:31,974 I wanna watch the puppet show on the other channel. 280 00:13:32,076 --> 00:13:34,877 - That's a kid's show. - Not so. 281 00:13:34,979 --> 00:13:37,880 They do some very sophisticated juxtapositions of reality. 282 00:13:37,982 --> 00:13:39,615 It'll last a year. 283 00:13:42,486 --> 00:13:45,021 Well, she's in the hole. 284 00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:47,323 Let's throw large amounts of dirt on her. 285 00:13:48,459 --> 00:13:50,059 Did she just move? 286 00:13:51,762 --> 00:13:54,597 Could it be that she might possibly be... 287 00:13:54,699 --> 00:13:56,265 still alive? 288 00:13:56,367 --> 00:13:58,200 Maybe, but I, 289 00:13:58,302 --> 00:14:00,403 lacking the intelligence God gave this shovel, 290 00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:02,405 plan to bury her anyway. 291 00:14:02,507 --> 00:14:03,739 Hm-hm. 292 00:14:03,841 --> 00:14:06,175 The two nitwits continued working feverishly, 293 00:14:06,277 --> 00:14:08,877 intent on their terribly misguided task. 294 00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:12,147 But my time had not yet come, 295 00:14:12,249 --> 00:14:15,050 so I was turned away from the afterlife. 296 00:14:15,152 --> 00:14:17,319 But I will always remember it, 297 00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:20,322 for it was more beautiful and more marvelous 298 00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:22,525 than anything in this world. 299 00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:25,961 And I take solace that someday I will return there. 300 00:14:26,063 --> 00:14:27,529 And I hope it's soon. 301 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,398 An amazing tale. 302 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:30,733 Thank you. 303 00:14:30,835 --> 00:14:33,102 Next week's baffling mystery: 304 00:14:33,204 --> 00:14:35,204 Our viewers, who are they? 305 00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:37,026 Why do they keep watching our show 306 00:14:37,074 --> 00:14:38,819 when there's a wildly better show 307 00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:40,910 on the other channel in this time slot? 308 00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:42,845 And cut. 309 00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:46,616 - Great show, Ethyl. - Thank you. 310 00:14:46,718 --> 00:14:48,117 I was touched, 311 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:50,286 and normally, I'm untouchable. 312 00:14:51,355 --> 00:14:54,457 Rico, young blood. My chair. 313 00:14:55,793 --> 00:14:59,495 Miss Phillips, that was an inspiring story. 314 00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:01,608 I'm not signing any more autographs. 315 00:15:01,632 --> 00:15:04,633 No, no. I'm just someone with a vision. 316 00:15:04,735 --> 00:15:07,503 Miss Phillips, there are millions of dinosaurs 317 00:15:07,605 --> 00:15:11,406 who live lives of misery and desperate loneliness 318 00:15:11,509 --> 00:15:13,608 without a soul to care for them. 319 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,311 Is my limousine here yet? 320 00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:19,048 But what if we could distract these poor dinosaurs, 321 00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:23,986 get them to stop expecting so much out of life now 322 00:15:24,088 --> 00:15:28,691 with the promise of some vague reward later? 323 00:15:28,793 --> 00:15:31,927 Now, you've come up with this afterlife concept, 324 00:15:32,029 --> 00:15:34,363 and I think that's it. 325 00:15:34,465 --> 00:15:39,201 The afterlife could not only keep dinosaurs in their place, 326 00:15:39,303 --> 00:15:43,405 it could be a major source of revenue. 327 00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:45,755 Sounds interesting. 328 00:15:45,809 --> 00:15:47,921 What exactly did you have in mind? 329 00:15:47,945 --> 00:15:49,856 Now live via satellite 330 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:51,720 from the cavernous Paradise Shrine, 331 00:15:51,748 --> 00:15:53,916 where route 19 meets interstate 5, 332 00:15:54,018 --> 00:15:56,585 it's The Afterlife Show. 333 00:15:56,687 --> 00:15:58,020 Starring Ethyl Phillips 334 00:15:58,122 --> 00:16:01,123 and her inspiring tales from beyond. 335 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:02,424 How you doing? 336 00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:05,660 And the 1,000-voice Ethyl Choir. 337 00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:08,764 ♪ I looked to the light ♪ 338 00:16:08,866 --> 00:16:10,966 ♪ And what did I see ♪ 339 00:16:11,068 --> 00:16:14,836 ♪ Coming for to carry me home? ♪ 340 00:16:14,939 --> 00:16:18,140 ♪ I saw Ethyl in a wheelchair ♪ 341 00:16:18,242 --> 00:16:20,409 ♪ Comin' after me ♪ 342 00:16:20,511 --> 00:16:24,679 ♪ Comin' for to carry me home ♪ 343 00:16:24,782 --> 00:16:26,916 ♪ Give dough ♪ 344 00:16:27,018 --> 00:16:29,785 ♪ To The Ethyl Show ♪ 345 00:16:29,887 --> 00:16:34,256 ♪ Give enough to carry you home ♪ 346 00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:36,392 ♪ Give dough ♪ 347 00:16:36,493 --> 00:16:39,494 ♪ To The Ethyl Show ♪ 348 00:16:39,596 --> 00:16:45,901 ♪ Give enough to carry you home ♪ 349 00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:47,514 Thank you. Thank you. 350 00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:48,871 That was beautiful. 351 00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:52,474 Welcome, friends. 352 00:16:52,577 --> 00:16:54,710 Whose life is miserable and wretched? 353 00:16:54,812 --> 00:16:56,278 Ours is! 354 00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:58,420 And who wants to get through with their life 355 00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:00,416 so they can get to the afterlife? 356 00:17:00,518 --> 00:17:01,617 We do! 357 00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:03,586 And how you gonna get there? 358 00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:05,254 We're not sure! 359 00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,856 Then you need to hear the inspiring words 360 00:17:07,958 --> 00:17:09,491 of the only dinosaur 361 00:17:09,594 --> 00:17:11,505 who's been to the afterlife 362 00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:13,662 and come back to tell us about it: 363 00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:15,865 Ethyl Phillips. 364 00:17:20,104 --> 00:17:21,871 - Life stinks. - Oh. 365 00:17:21,972 --> 00:17:24,151 You know it. I know it. 366 00:17:24,175 --> 00:17:25,907 But it doesn't matter, 367 00:17:26,009 --> 00:17:27,643 'cause when it's all done, 368 00:17:27,745 --> 00:17:31,146 that's when the fun really starts. 369 00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:33,916 Let me tell you what I saw in the afterlife. 370 00:17:34,018 --> 00:17:38,621 They got a monorail that goes around the whole place, 371 00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:41,256 and they got rides for the kids 372 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,426 and no lines at all. 373 00:17:43,528 --> 00:17:45,694 Can I go to the afterlife? 374 00:17:45,796 --> 00:17:48,364 No, not for a long time, sweetheart. 375 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:51,333 Oh, but I want to go to the afterlife. 376 00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:53,115 Better than the now-life. 377 00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:56,372 Earl, I'm worried about what mother's saying on TV. 378 00:17:56,474 --> 00:17:58,407 I'm afraid of the effect this might have 379 00:17:58,509 --> 00:18:00,276 on simple, impressionable minds. 380 00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:02,978 I want to go to the afterlife! 381 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,213 Earl! 382 00:18:04,315 --> 00:18:07,116 Gee, Fran, now that I know there is one, 383 00:18:07,218 --> 00:18:09,485 why should I worry so much about politics, 384 00:18:09,587 --> 00:18:11,553 the environment and social injustice? 385 00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:16,158 I'm just gonna put my feet up and wait to die. 386 00:18:17,361 --> 00:18:19,361 That sounds great, Ethyl. 387 00:18:19,464 --> 00:18:21,496 And now you can secure your share 388 00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:24,033 of the good life in the afterlife. 389 00:18:24,135 --> 00:18:26,034 But space is running out, 390 00:18:26,136 --> 00:18:27,903 so if you'd like to purchase 391 00:18:28,005 --> 00:18:30,839 one of these prime three-bedroom luxury condominiums 392 00:18:30,941 --> 00:18:33,676 or a timeshare in the hereafter, 393 00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,746 send me as much money as you can 394 00:18:36,848 --> 00:18:38,581 for your down payment. 395 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,982 Yes, nothing this luxurious 396 00:18:41,084 --> 00:18:43,085 is available in this life, 397 00:18:43,187 --> 00:18:46,522 at least, not to poor folks like you. 398 00:18:48,259 --> 00:18:51,026 Poor folks like you can secure your share of the good life. 399 00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:54,063 And, Ethyl, while everyone's calling, 400 00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:55,931 why don't you tell us some more 401 00:18:56,033 --> 00:19:00,169 about the lovely amenities of the afterlife? 402 00:19:03,274 --> 00:19:05,073 Uh... 403 00:19:05,175 --> 00:19:06,942 Ethyl? Uh... 404 00:19:07,044 --> 00:19:09,022 Earl, what's wrong with Mother? 405 00:19:09,046 --> 00:19:10,791 Gee, she looks like she's dead. 406 00:19:10,815 --> 00:19:12,181 Lucky stiff. 407 00:19:12,283 --> 00:19:13,983 I'm going down there. 408 00:19:15,953 --> 00:19:19,221 - Ethyl! You're on. - She kicked off again. 409 00:19:19,323 --> 00:19:21,056 Ah... 410 00:19:21,158 --> 00:19:24,526 Well, looks like Ethyl's taken a quick trip 411 00:19:24,628 --> 00:19:26,528 to check on our contractor 412 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,063 in the great beyond. 413 00:19:28,165 --> 00:19:31,066 You got to keep an eye on those guys all the time. 414 00:19:31,168 --> 00:19:35,337 Well, we'll be right back. 415 00:19:35,439 --> 00:19:36,872 Are we off yet? 416 00:19:36,974 --> 00:19:38,740 Yep. 417 00:19:38,842 --> 00:19:41,710 Ethyl? The old bag's dead again. 418 00:19:41,812 --> 00:19:43,812 Ethyl! 419 00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:47,383 Ethyl! Ethyl! 420 00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,818 Oh. 421 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,021 Louie, is that really you? 422 00:19:53,123 --> 00:19:54,590 Hiya, cupcake. 423 00:19:54,692 --> 00:19:56,959 Oh, Louie, I missed you. 424 00:19:57,061 --> 00:19:59,161 Am I finally good and dead? 425 00:19:59,263 --> 00:20:00,362 Not yet. 426 00:20:00,464 --> 00:20:03,699 Oh, will you guys stop jerking my chain? 427 00:20:03,801 --> 00:20:07,269 I'm dead. I'm alive. I'm dead. I'm alive. 428 00:20:07,371 --> 00:20:09,672 If I wake up with dirt in my mouth again... 429 00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:10,940 Take it easy, cupcake. 430 00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,809 They sent me here with a message. 431 00:20:13,911 --> 00:20:16,278 Stop pushing the afterlife. 432 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:19,148 But, Louie, it's so beautiful up here. 433 00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:22,084 It's just as beautiful where you are, Ethyl. 434 00:20:22,186 --> 00:20:26,255 It's more beautiful because it's life, 435 00:20:26,357 --> 00:20:28,924 and you only get a little bit of it. 436 00:20:29,026 --> 00:20:31,160 If you don't live every day 437 00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:33,262 of your life to the fullest, 438 00:20:33,364 --> 00:20:35,897 you'll have an eternity to regret it. 439 00:20:35,999 --> 00:20:38,901 But, Louie, I miss you. 440 00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:43,238 I miss you too, sweetheart. 441 00:20:43,340 --> 00:20:44,973 But it's not your time yet. 442 00:20:45,075 --> 00:20:47,276 Will we be together soon? 443 00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:48,977 Soon enough, cupcake, 444 00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:50,946 but you gotta go back now. 445 00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:53,749 And stop trying to make a buck off the afterlife. 446 00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:56,619 Dinosaurs who sell the afterlife 447 00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:59,688 may not ever see the afterlife. 448 00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:03,125 They may end up someplace not so nice. 449 00:21:03,227 --> 00:21:06,562 Look what's waiting for you. 450 00:21:06,664 --> 00:21:11,200 Hi, Ethyl! Come on in! 451 00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:14,936 No! 452 00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:18,440 - Mom? Mom? - Oh, boy. Oh... 453 00:21:18,542 --> 00:21:19,875 Um... 454 00:21:19,977 --> 00:21:22,417 Grandma, can you say anything? 455 00:21:22,446 --> 00:21:24,880 Hey, look, look. I think she's coming around. 456 00:21:24,982 --> 00:21:27,483 No! No! No! The hole's already dug. 457 00:21:27,584 --> 00:21:29,084 Let's get on with it. 458 00:21:29,186 --> 00:21:31,253 Not so fast, fat boy. 459 00:21:31,355 --> 00:21:33,588 Ooh! 460 00:21:33,690 --> 00:21:36,291 I knew I should have cremated her. 461 00:21:36,394 --> 00:21:37,726 Oh! 462 00:21:37,828 --> 00:21:39,461 Dad? 463 00:21:39,563 --> 00:21:40,796 What? Huh? 464 00:21:40,898 --> 00:21:42,664 Where am I? 465 00:21:42,766 --> 00:21:45,178 Grandma, we brought you back from the TV studio. 466 00:21:45,202 --> 00:21:46,635 We were worried. 467 00:21:46,737 --> 00:21:49,771 We better call your producer. He thought you were dead. 468 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:51,607 Let him think whatever he wants. 469 00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:53,341 I'm not going back there. 470 00:21:53,443 --> 00:21:56,245 Mom, I thought you loved talking about the afterlife. 471 00:21:56,347 --> 00:21:59,381 I did, Fran, but if I'm ever gonna go back, 472 00:21:59,483 --> 00:22:03,151 I can't just sit around here watching the grass grow. 473 00:22:03,253 --> 00:22:06,488 What I'm gonna do is appreciate life 474 00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,223 and love all of you. 475 00:22:08,325 --> 00:22:09,335 Aw! 476 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:10,625 Starting tomorrow. 477 00:22:10,727 --> 00:22:12,160 Why not today? 478 00:22:12,262 --> 00:22:15,330 'Cause today, there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard, 479 00:22:15,433 --> 00:22:17,532 and we're gonna bury fat boy in it. 480 00:22:17,634 --> 00:22:20,369 What? 481 00:22:20,471 --> 00:22:23,639 Ooh! 482 00:22:25,542 --> 00:22:27,776 Again!